(This post was written and published on 5/1/2014. Though I am older now, the sentiment expressed here is still very true.)
My calendar just popped up a notification:
Tomorrow is Dan Cumberland’s 32nd Birthday.
I have no idea how that happened. 32 is a big number. I’m not ready for it. But then again, I haven’t been ready for my birthday since I turned 18. I guess I have birthday sadness.
I feel sad. I feel sad that it’s been so long. I feel sad that life is still not what I want it to be.
I’m scared of getting old. I’m scared of missing out. I’m scared of not finding a way to make a difference. I want to change the world. I want to change people’s lives.
The problem with big dreams and big hopes is that they will continually remind you of how far you have to go.
So I have a word for you dreamers out there— for those of you you who believe that more is possible, and for those of you who are foolhardy enough to believe that what you do actually matters:
Don’t stop. Don’t stop dreaming. Don’t stop desiring.
But oh, you will be tempted. You will be very tempted.
There’s a problem with audacious dreams that few talk about: they hurt.[Tweet this]
The more you desire and the bigger you hope, the more tension you feel between where you are and where you want to be. The more you believe, the more you will be disappointed. The more you strive, the more you will miss the mark and be let down.
Projects will let you down. People will let you down.
If you dare to dream you will be disappointed.
But this is equally true:
It’s better to live with a broken heart than not to feel at all.
It’s better to taste only a fragment of your ambition than to be dead to your desires and hopes. It’s better to feel the tension than to live your life asleep.
There are days when I wonder if it’s worth it. I know it is, but I still wonder. Today is one of those days. I turn 32 tomorrow. Is it worth it for the struggle? Is it worth it to strive after living by my own rules?
I believe it is, but on this day before my birthday, my doubt is larger than I want it to be.